Parenthood and healing your own inner child

Did you ever imagine that parenting your own child would result in you having to reparent your own inner child?

 

Did you answer NO?

 

Guess what?  You are not alone.  No one, and I mean no one goes into parenthood with the foresight of having to deal with one’s unhealed childhood wounds.

 

I mean come on Universe, parenting is hard enough without having to wade through your own inner childhood whilst feeling all the feels but amplified by a thousand.

 

Parenthood has a funny way of bringing to light your unhealed traumas at the very age your own child is when your trauma or hurt occurred.

 

And … when I say ‘funny’ … it is in fact not funny.  It is very unfunny and bloody hard and most of us wish we could press pause or hide until it’s over.

 

Parenting whilst healing is hard.  It is like being split in two when you’re already broken.  It is lonely, harrowing and beyond scary.  Entwined with guilt and grief for your own inner child, there is also guilt that as a parent, you are not able to be ‘whole’ for your little love.

 

But … as they say in the book ‘We’re going on a Bear Hunt’, we can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, we can’t go around it … We have to go through it.  Far out, who knew a kid’s book about a bear hunt could be so insightful?

 

My rock bottom was when my beautiful little girl started Prep.  My own trauma was in the school holidays, just before I started Prep.  I had no idea that I was about to be overwhelmed by a tsunami of grief, pain, anger and sadness. 

 

I had never consciously connected the dots between my daughter’s age to my age when I lived through my experience, yet my subconscious knew dang well when to send out an alert to remind me of the correlation.  It’s like it had an alarm set and every emotion I possess was on stand-by waiting for the grand entrance.  I am pretty sure they even planned a parade!

 

Did this alert arrive as a nicely packed gift with a pretty bow and a sweet note saying ‘Hey just checking in?’.  Ummm I wish!  It came in the form of debilitating anxiety, imposter mum syndrome and basically a whole shit show entourage that consumed my life until I met it head-on, minute by minute, day by day, week by week and month by month.

 

With the help of an amazing collective of beautiful souls who have supported me on my healing journey, the six-year-old me is safe and happy and grateful that I gave her a voice and an ‘out’.  She is no longer trapped, showing up in ways that play havoc on my immune system and mental health, she is with me, connected, no longer a dark part that I try to block out.

 

So, my friend, if you are reading this and feeling as though it resonates or if your dear little inner child needs to have some light shone on him or her, this may very well be your call to ask the question “What is it that they need?”

 

I promise …

It is worth the work

It is worth the tears

It is worth the grief

 

Because at the end of the day, for you to be whole and for you to be the best parent that you can be, you and your inner child cannot be separate from each other … you need to connect with them, validate them, nurture them and love them unconditionally.  You are them and they are you and you BOTH deserve inner peace.

 

Love Tab xx